How can you feel stuck when every day you get up and don’t stop until you drop back into bed?

A few years ago I started a blog. I loved it. It was doing well. And then I got stuck. I started to do too many things all at the same time. I didn’t have a clear reason why I was doing the blog. I got overwhelmed, I was over thinking, not sure where I was going with it all.

I was doing so much, I went blank. I lost my flow. I got stuck.

Too much stuff, too much busyness, too much ‘to-do-list-itous’ is not the same as being productive. The feeling of having ‘a lot on’ is not the same as making progress. And when you finish each day exhausted but you still feel like you haven’t achieved anything, then stuckness sets in.

The temptation, and ease, to get involved, to take part, to do stuff is all around us. Join the local running club, be part of the school committee, set up a local book club, join your favourite Facebook Group, watch a webinar, go to yoga, watch your local band, take children to ballet, rugby, piano lessons, go out for dinner, go to the pub, go to the local fete…

We are constantly given opportunities to get involved, take part, do something, keep going. And so we do. And then we feel overwhelmed (not before feeling put out, used, uninspired). And then we feel stuck.

We feel stuck because most of this activity, is just ‘stuff’. It’s not contributing to a greater goal, so we are lost.

When you feel stuck even though you are busy, it’s a sign. A sign you need to stop. Take things out of the diary, cancel a few things, say no. Make some pause time for you.

The Dalai Lama challenges us to ask the question ‘is what you are doing today contributing to where you want to get to?’.

“When life becomes too complicated and we feel overwhelmed, it’s often useful just to stand back and remind ourselves of our overall purpose, our overall goal. When faced with a feeling of stagnation and confusion, it may be helpful to take an hour, an afternoon, or even several days to simply reflect on what it is that will truly bring us happiness, and then reset our priorities. This can put our life back in proper context, allow a fresh perspective, and enable us to see which direction to take.” Dalai Lama, The Art of Happiness

And there lay the issue. I had no idea where I wanted to get to. And the more pressure I put on myself to find an answer the more I felt stuck.

In his book, the Dalai Lama encourages you to look for simple answers to simple questions.

When are you most happy?
What drains your energy?
What things do you dread doing?
What is a good day at work?
What is a bad day at work?

These sound like simple questions. But honestly, it took me 6 months of thinking to start to get answers. I was so attached to corporate ways and expectations I found it hard to think about what made me happy and what things I just did because I did them. I found it hard to think about what a good day was really. It was slightly easier to think of bad days.

I wrote thousands of notes and I began to get clues to what I needed to do next; things I needed to focus on, how I spent my time, where my energy was, things I needed to let go of.

Have a think about the things you do. Really? Is this working for you?

When you agreed to do that voluntary work what did you want out of it? Is that happening?

When you drive for 3 hours to see a friend and they spend the whole time on the phone to their partner, really… will you do that again?

That school parents committee meeting. You might think it’s your duty, but if you are drained, and dreading it, and it means spending time with ‘whiskey-glass-half-full’ Moira and ‘back-in-the-old-days’ Andy, then really… what purpose is it serving you?

Have you ever looked at how you spend your time?

Maybe you once took part in a ‘time in motion’ study? Remember Bill from Right On Time (ROT) consultancy came in and made you note down all your tasks and how long you took on them.

Frederick Winslow Taylor who pioneered the use of time study techniques talked about what a ‘fair day’s work’ entailed, and how ‘soldiering on’ (unproductive time) was a deliberate attempt of workers to promote their best interests and hide fast work from their employers.

Obviously this work has somewhat changed in relevance in the workplace today but for you personally… are you disguising your busy-ness to fool yourself you don’t have time to do the things you really want to do?

Elle Luna says “There are paths in life; should and must. We arrive at this crossroads again and again. And each time we must choose.
Should is how others want us to show up in the world – how we are supposed to think, speak, do. When we choose Should the journey is smooth, the risk is small. Expectations from others are met.
Must is who we are, what we believe, our true selves… what we really want. Its our instincts, our cravings, our longings. Must is what happens when we stop conforming to people’s ideals.”

In her book Elle Luna talks about the choices we make every day and how we decide how to fill our time with things because our dream feels too far away.

‘Do something’ but don’t just get busy

If you are feeling stuck, a little bit like the awkward silence in a conversation, it’s tempting to just fill it. Fill it with stuff. Doing stuff. Anything. Look busy. Be busy. And you won’t feel stuck. And you will have good reasons why things that you really want to do, aren’t getting done.

When you read people talking about ‘getting stuff done’, they don’t mean just any old stuff. They mean getting stuff done to move you forward in your thoughts, in your ideas, in your actions.

A blog by Fashion Blah about the art of being busy says “Everyone is so busy pretending to be busy for the sake of saying that they are very busy. We get hooked into a very vicious busy schedule and forget that being busy doesn’t necessarily mean being productive”.

A dear colleague and I, Damon, used to discuss the merits of our busy workloads on a regular basis. Over a morning coffee we would share our full to do lists and ponder how we would get it all done… while drinking our coffee, away from our desks, in the work canteen.

Now Bill from Right On Time would have words about that! And he’d be right. We were choosing. And one morning over coffee we finally concluded that ‘we can in fact make time for anything we want to, if we want to’.

You are choosing to do something and fill your time doing stuff every day. Our circumstances can influence some of our choices, but there will be examples of people in your circumstances making different choices to you. So you do have choices.

We are busy because we are scared of what we might discover if we stop. If we stop we might discover that the smooth, comfortable life we have is not what we want at all.

It’s easy to feel stuck when you are flat out busy. Like a tyre wheel spinning in the mud. Lots of energy consumed, lots of mud flying, but not a lot of traction.

Feeling stuck, feeling lost, is not the same as having nothing to do. Being busy is not being unstuck. Fulfilment, and understanding who you are trying to be (maybe it’s just happy) can not be fixed by being busy and doing loads of stuff.

If you have a full to do list, but half full satisfaction rating, maybe it’s time to stop.

Observe what’s going on.

Watch how you feel.

Look at what’s happening.

What are you putting off?

How many things on your to do list move you on?

Stopping to think, isn’t stopping progress. Stopping is pressing pause for you to breathe, get clarity, reset, recharge and go.

Do you need to stop today?